Bump and Grind?

Image

What is it called when you are getting back into the routine of things? When you are getting back into your normal daily life? I guess it’s not bump and grind… but now I feel like that title is appropriate, so really, you will just have to deal with it.

I absolutely promise that the next blog post on the rest of our time in Sardinia is coming soon. When I make a promise, I will not break it, so it may take a while but the story will come. It’s not a promise like “I promise never to leave my laptop in it’s bright orange case in a hotel room in Bidart” – one, because that was never a promise that I made and two, because that would clearly be false as that is exactly what happened. This is a real promise.

What you have to look forward to reading:

  • Soaking up the sun in Sardinia
  • Being romantic in Rome (which was amazing, we met friends, had pretend birthdays and I played guitar very loudly in inappropriate places)
  • Frolicking in firey Florence (Firenze)
  • Vanity in Verona (ok, we were not vain in Verona but I’m going with the whole allieration theme, bare with me)
  • Promiscuity in Prien (this is also not true, but it works as a title – any other suggestions for P words?)
  • Madness in Munich (now its like a guessing game, is this true? or does it just work well as a title?)
  • Singing in Salzburg (this is true… or is it? now you just don’t know whether to trust me or not)
  • Speeding in Stuttgart (there were Porches involved)
  • Being awesome in Amsterdam (and everywhere else, of course)

So, I bet you are pretty excited right? So much to still look forward to and they WILL be good. We paraglided for goodness sake.

As for what we are doing now. I am at work in Hythe (where all the old people live) and doing loads of music stuff (gig on Wednesday 6th Oct at Orange St. everyone, see you there then).

Suze is settling into teaching and having a whale of a time, as far as I can discern, drawing superheros, trampolining,  getting us to help decorate her classroom before the beginning of term and even baking bread.

I imagine the drawings to look a little like this

Was your bread as good as this though Suze?

This isn't Suze but this is what I imagine she did when trampolining

Sam is literally jet setting off all around the country with her new job down to Devon and up to Glasgow – it’s all very exciting.

It's all for a good cause :)

So all in all we are all back to the bump and grind (take this as you will).

We hope you’re all bumping and gridning with us.

x

SSP (shameless-self-promotion)

Because there will be a little bit of a wait until the next blog post (I can’t just churn them out willy nilly, it takes precision, thought and time) I have decided I will provide you will a musical interlude… but it is not just because I am being kind.

Its undeniable self promotion, but that is ok… because it is my blog :)

The next blog post will be coming soon, but let us know what you think of these for the time being xx

Cover: 3oh! 3, Don\’t Trust me

Cover: Mumford and Sons, The Cave

Cover: Robyn, Be mine

x

Always get in the strange mans car

It was time to eat.

So we got showered, dressed and went to the restaurant on the resort to have a bite to eat.

This is when we met our waiter who, little did we know, would become our rather unorthodox chaperone for the evening… god knows he had the money to be taking us out… but I’ll explain that later.

He also looked EXACTLY like Adam Sandler. I tell no lie… although he wasn’t as funny (if at all) and he had a MASSIVE nose, even bigger than mine (which is saying something… but it pleased me).

Exactly the same, honest

me and adam sandler

So we ordered our food. Suze and Sam had some rather good looking pizzas and I ordered the steak. I expected to get other things with my steak… perhaps some salad? or some chips? but no… I just got steak, on a plate with some lemon… which also appeared to be bathing in red wine.

Sardinia had obviously taken tips from Barcelona on the meat front. Perhaps the strange waiters from Barcelona had rung up our hotel and told them… “What’ll really get her going, is if you JUST give her steak, don’t give her anything with it… she just likes big slabs of meat..” Those of you who know me well enough, will know this just isn’t the case.

MEAT

Anyway. It was lovely…. very tender.

Then the wine got wine spilt… all over us. To be fair, right, the wine tasted like vinegar and not very much of it was actually spilt BUT because it got spilt, we were then given a second jug of vinegar-wine and some garlic bread, to say sorry. So not only would we be sick but we’d have EXTRA bad breath….Thanks Sandler.

drinking vinegar

Suze watching me drink vinegar

yum yum

drunk

While we were eating we got into a rather heated discussion about Americans and the view that some people hold of American people…

We soon shut up as we realised the people sitting at the table next to us were speaking English… and we couldn’t quite work out if they were American or not… not the best. However, they turned out not to be American and were actually very very lovely Scots; Rachel and Duncan, who very kindly (or not so kindly given the state of it) donated us their wine… it was going to be a fun evening.

While we were sitting eating we became more and more distracted by a massively irritating and loud noise coming from down below us by the bar/bar type thing. Our minds were then taken back to earlier that day when Marrrrrrrrrvin had asked us to come to a ‘really good’ party/club… was THIS the club that you were talking about Marvin? The Mickey Mouse children’s club which seemed to consist of just re-doing the dances that you performed so kindly for us earlier in day? Apparently so. Thank you for the invitation Marvin, but no… we are fine.

It was then that we decided that staying at the resort for the evening was not an OK thing for us to do. Especially after the amount of (free) wine we had already had to drink. So we asked Adam Sandler (our waiter) whether he knew of any places that we could go out other than the children’s club. He told us that, yes there were, and that he would be happy to take us into the local town… I BET YOU WOULD BE ADAM.

Maybe it would help him sell more drugs or something… YES that’s right. Our waiter was a drug dealer (we still didn’t know at this point) and he was taking us out into an obscure little town in the middle of Sardinia.

So, we went back to our mansion to get ready to go into town… although on the way we thought it would be a stellar idea to check out the Adults club that was happening just round the corner… this was possibly the worst idea of the evening. We turned up to what looked like a school assembly, with some people sat on a stage in a sort of blind-date-arrangement and a lot of people watching the stage on chairs. As soon as they clocked us walking up it became some sort of event… they shouted at us “LOOK IT’S THE ENGLISH GIRLS” and everyone started clapping and stood up. Now, I can’t speak for Suze and Sam… I know I’M pretty special.. but really, clapping and a standing ovation for walking late and very drunkenly into a social event we didn’t even understand? I think that’s pretty impressive.

ADULTS CLUB

We were ushered over to some seats and apologised to, as we were told the whole proceedings would be in Italian… it’s really ok guys.

Or was it? We we sat for about a minute, strategically whispered to each other, Sam made some lame excuse to Marvin saying “Don’t worry, I’ll take you on a date tomorrow, but we have to leave now…” (to be fair, I don’t think it was an excuse) and then we literally ran away… into the arms of our new found drug dealing friend.

We went back to our room and made ourselves look beautiful, which took all of 5 mins (obviously) and got into yet another strangers car. It was becoming a habit… or maybe even a hobby? (Don’t try this at home).

Eventually we found ourselves in a bar, in Palau (POW-LAU). Initially, we had to sit on our own for about half an hour while Antonio (Adam Sandler/Waiter) and his friend with car, Luca, went to park up, have a shower (maybe together)… and probably pick up some drugs. Eventually, they came back to the bar, which was a bit of a relief to be honest, as we would have been in a bit of trouble (fucked) if they had not.

this bar is GOOD

this bar is VERY GOOD. look how happy i am

i don't know if im smiling for the camera or because this bar is SO good

Then we found ourselves sitting with a lot of very very random people… who were probably also sellers of drugs…we were doing well. After about 10 minutes Antonio told us that he had to go and do some “stuff” and left us for about an hour, in a town we didn’t know, in a bar we had never been to, with people we had only just met.

So we had to make broken conversation with all of his friends but they bought us drinks so it wasn’t all bad. Although, Sam thought it would be a brilliant idea to throw her drink all over the couple sat next to her… obviously we have different ideas of what is, and what is not, acceptable when you have met people just half an hour before. I only throw drink over people I really like.

still very very happy

suze likes it when i kiss her

:)

more kisses

it was the two on the left that sam gave an alcohol shower

So basically, the evening consisted of more drinking. The fact that the drinks had been bought for us by drug dealers MAY have explained what happened later on… (don’t worry, this is all for dramatic effect).

After we had sat with our new ‘friends’ for a while, Suze decided that she was bored of them and had noticed a group of young (old) men walk into the bar and decided that she must go and talk to them… so we left her to it. (She tells now that it was because she wanted to get a lift home… I’m pretty sure the one with lots of gel in his hair caught her eye). She came back about 15 mins later after realising, that they really weren’t the escape route she was looking for, something that Me and Sam had realised as soon as we had seen them.

Eventually Antonio came back and we spoke to him for a little while. I had a cold and I told him that this was the case and he told me that he had a LOT of things that would ‘sort me out’… I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have unblocked my nose.

Lots of other things happened, which we don’t remember because we were high, on life (alcohol).

Then we got a lift back home with Antonio and Luca, were offered more drugs (which we obviously didn’t accept) and finally managed to find our way back to our mansion.

This is when the REAL fun began… (there are no photos unfortunately).

Suze and Sam were suddenly MASSIVELY drunk. We had all drunk a little bit, but these levels of drunkness were just ridiculous. I had to look after them both, get them changed, put bed sheets on the beds, make sure they had water and sing them lullabies to send them to sleep… (ok, the last part isn’t true, but I was a very good friend).

Sam was having an eppy on the balcony and so I chatted to her for a little while, to try and straighten out her wayward drunken mind…but then suddenly heard a cry from the toilet “CHHHHARRRRRRRLIIIIIEEEEEE”….

OH GOD!

I ran to the bathroom to find Suze crouched over the sink with a weird grin on her face. The line that I was greeted with was… “CHARLIE… I JUST MADE MYSELF SICK… and now I’m brushing my teeth”… she looked very happy about it, which made me slightly less worried.

She was right, she had been sick, of which, the remnants were left in the sink and not completely cleared until a couple of days later… LOVELY. I took Suze to her room and put her to bed, by which point Sam had managed to make it to her own bed and kind of put her pyjamas on the right way, so I made sure she had water and she went to sleep.

I am making myself sound like a matyr. I am not… I am a hero.

P.S. I never exaggerate.

Good night x

Apology

This post is an apology because I have been shit and not updated for so long….

I am ridiculously popular and important and therefore have been stupid busy since I got back from travels and have not had time (been too lazy) to write the blog.

I am very sorry.

YOU CAN'T HELP BUT FORGIVE ME CAN YOU

BUT now I am back, so I’m going to carry on from where I left off and tell you more about what happened in the last weeks of our trip… enjoy x

Sardinia: Skin Tight Heads and Underage Dancing

We were going to be in Sardinia long enough that all of us could unpack our cases, put our clothes in wardrobes in our MULTIPLE (yes there were two) bedrooms, put all our stuff in the bathroom, unpack toulouse (the guitar) and lean him against the wall, use cutlery and make ourselves tea and coffee and all the things that you take for granted when you are living in one place like a normal person which are AMAZING when you’ve been living out of a bag for however many weeks.

Our Apartment:

yes, thank you

view

from the outside

We unpacked, put our bikinis on, picked up our towels and headed for the swimming pool. Which was beautiful:

Beautiful Pool

more pool

It took us a little while to find because we aren’t the brightest of sparks and when we did finally get there, we had to take off our shoes and wash our feet as we entered and then we had to go and talk to the cute lifeguard to try and blag some sun loungers/chairs off him.

He would have been happy to give us some chairs, but unfortunately for us the pool was just about to shut for two hours from 1-3 – the hottest part of the day… you might not want to work yeh… but we want to sunbathe by the pool (you get me?)

We left and went back to our palace (yes, it’s now a palace), we sat on one of our THREE balconies and we read our books and waited for the swimming pool to re-open (everybody walking past our balcony seemed to find it funny that we were sat with our legs akimbo, feet rested on the top of the balcony with books in our laps – its an optimum sunbathing position right?).

I think if we had known what was going to happen when we got back to the pool, we wouldn’t have been so eager.

But we went back, as soon as the swimming pool opened again…

We washed our feet again and went and found the lifeguard to get some sun bed things. (his name was Rude/Roode? I’m not sure whether he was suggesting he was a ‘rude boy’ or if this was his name)

However, this time there were quite a few of them and as soon as we opened our mouths and spoke English they were all trying to chip in. The boys were trying to speak to us and make sense of what we were saying and the girls were taking the piss out of the boys and when the boys didn’t understand what was happening then the girls came over and tried to help… it was like being at band camp (not that I’ve ever been, but I reckon it was like band camp, apart from in Sardinia, by a pool, with no musical instruments…)

?

We tried to get away as quickly as possible, as nice as the young Italians were, we just wanted to sunbathe and get in the water.

So we sunbathed (making sure we were at the right angles with the sun) wapped our books our for a bit, had a little bit of a read and then Sam and I decided it was definitely time to get in the water. It was boiling.

Sam took the lead the started shimmying into the water by the steps, but just as she started swimming, one of the life guards came over, blew a whistle at her and started making funny signals with his hands. BUT at this point Sam had her back to him and all she could see was me looking very confused in the direction behind her… it was all very embarrassing.

We finally realised what was happening and that the hand gestures the lifeguard was making meant that Sam needed to get OUT of the pool because she was not wearing a… (she was wearing a bikini, fortunately) a swimming hat…

Who wears swimming hats… no, wait… who closes the pool during the hottest part of the day AND makes people wear swimming hats.. really?

We hadn’t noticed (I’m not sure how) but looking NOW it was fairly obvious that everyone in the water was wearing swimming caps… ‘BEAUTIFUL’ swimming caps at that. You can’t lie. Swimming caps look attractive on NO one. It’s like being bald… but being bald and having a multicoloured head….

just no

She’s smiling and she’s not unattractive (she has an acceptable face) but… what’s that on her head? Oh, wait, it’s a swimming cap.

Immediately she looks awful. No one can pull off a swimming cap. Find me someone and you’ll get a prize… but I just don’t think its possible.

So we sat back down. I don’t know whether its because we wanted to sit down, or whether we had to due to shock from being told we had to wear swimming caps.

Then we had to decide whether we were going to get swimming caps or not… eventually we decided it was too hot and that we’d have to. So, we plucked up the courage to go back over to the lifeguards again to try and get some.

As soon as we walked over there they flocked towards us like lots of moths that have been waiting for a light to turn on so that can fly at it and hurt themselves:

or like daddy long legs flying towards open windows… have you seen them do it? It’s funny, they don’t realise its a window and just end up bashing themselves against it and flailing their arms/legs around not understanding why they aren’t outside already:

Confused

Anyway, I digress…Lifeguards.

We then asked them for some swimming hats, which, BY THE WAY, were going to cost us THREE EUROS each. I think that’s just cruel. Three Euros to look like a twat… no.

Or apparently, according to us, yes please… because we decided we really wanted some and then began the epic wait for swimming hats. It took them about half an hour for about 6 people to explain to us that there weren’t any swimming hats available at the minute but someone would be along at 4.30 so we could buy some then… OKAY THEN.

So we waited around, in the boiling heat, looking at the amazing swimming pool for what seemed like FOREVER.

We went back over twice to try and get swimming caps again and in the end just ended up waiting. It was awkward and we looked desperate, but what could we do, we clearly were…

FINALLY, they came. Our beautiful white and pink swimming caps. We didn’t even care what they looked like on, they meant that we could get in the water and this meant that they were our friends.

So we got in the water. Actually, we got in the water AFTER noticing that Suze had her head directly between some man’s legs. Not on purpose you understand.

She was sunbathing on her front and some man, wearing ridiculously tight speedos, had positioned himself VERY unfortunately, right in front of her with his legs wide open. I pointed it out to Sam, just as Suze looked up from her laying down position, looked like she was a little bit sick in her mouth and then slowly got up and walked away.

THEN me and Sam got in the water. We looked like beautiful graceful dolphins with pink and white heads (I say we, I am A very graceful swimmer, Sam kind of flailed a bit and then put her head under… she will admit herself that she is not the worlds strongest swimmer).

While we were in the water. Something ridiculous happened. SUDDENLY, there was music. Why? I do not know. But there it was. It wasn’t quiet either. It was very loud. Then people started dancing, they started dancing or like bopping, out of time, to the very loud and intrusive music. There was water aerobics (which only two elderly ladies joined in with), some kind of Sardinian dance in front of the pool which involved a short lifeguard waggling his hips around in front of a load of girls and just awful awful things happening everywhere.

It was a bit like this:

and this:

and this:

At one point they tried to get us involved in the dancing… clearly the fact that we had put on the swimming caps was some sort of indication that we were, in fact, idiots and up for anything. No, no Sardinia. We are not.

The music was like listening to… the Macarena, Saturday Night, Agadoo etc OVER and OVER again on some kind of never ending deathly repeat. All the kids were singing along and I swear the music just got louder and louder… it was GREAT (if you like that kind of thing).

THEN, we were accosted, by Marrrrrrrrrrvin (you have to roll your R’s otherwise Marvin gets upset). Marvin was actually really lovely; he came over and took the piss out of our accents and made us feel inadequate by asking us if we’d been to loads of places (which it turned out we hadn’t been and made us feel stupid), he spoke to us in very good English and invited us to some kind of kids club later that evening. Brill.

All in all it was a good day then.

If only we knew what the evening had in store.

BYE BYE Corsica

We got up WAY to early for any kind of normality this morning. Managed to pack our tent away in record time and give ourselves way too much time for just sitting around and being idle. BUT there is nothing like being prepared.

We were too early for our shoddy camp site and ended up waiting half an hour, while eating an on the go breakfast, for any one to even turn up and open the reception.

We eventually set off, got on our ferry, got to Sardinia and drove to our mansion – which it was.

ferry… we LOVE fairys
leaving bonafaccio harbour
harry potter cave
bye bye corsica
Bye bye x

I don’t think straight

NEVER. EVER…. EVER in your LIFE sleep on an air bed which goes down in the night.

I think that I am broken. Forever.

Sleeping with your head on air and your arse on the ground is not a natural position. Not even for me. Which you may find weird… I don’t know why.

It was something like this

This is not comfortable.

Anyway. We got up and we went for a shower, well Suze and Sam had a shower. I had some sort of leaky pipe. I thought it was normal when I first got in there and put it down to another one of those ‘camping things’.

But no, apparently not. Someone really does hate me. I thought I had heard normal shower noises when I was showering under my drip and Suze and Sam confirmed this once I got out. My shower was beyond BROKE…it may also have been cold… which is probably why I then GOT a cold.

We then had breakfast, courtesy of Suzanne from the ‘nice’ shop – it was a nice shop.

Then we went into Bonafaccio to try and sort accommodation for Sardinia, which we had not done and after our hotel debauchle after getting off the boat we decided we did not want to repeat it.

So, we spent half a day (2 hours, you have to be dramatic when you’re writing a blog) in an internet cafe… as you do when you’re in Corsica, in a beautiful port town and it’s about 38 degrees outside. Internet Cafe’s are just SUPER.

It helped that the people that owned the cafe were some of the moodiest we have met, we all had to crowd around one computer which was probably running on dial up seeing as the pages took about 2 hours (again I’m dramatising) to load and at one point Sam had her chair taken off her and had to stand.

Also, half way through our usage of the internet, for which we were paying extortionate amounts of money, they decided to make a point of writing a sign and printing it out, saying… “Only one person per computer”. So, we thought that we’d stay a little bit longer.

Due to lack of funds for more internet time we had to send Sam off to get more money… we thought it was only fair considering she was already standing up (which must have been very uncomfortable for her and it’s good to stretch your legs), she (doesn’t) loves the heat (it was very hot outside) and she’s very resourceful (this one is true). So off she went.

It took Suze and I a long time to find anywhere to stay. I was having no luck pinching the wifi (wiffy) on my phone and the computer that Suze was using wasn’t the quickest…

But finally Suze found a mansion for 6 people (not quite a mansion but it might as well have been), which was only a little (hugely) above our budget.

We decided to wait for Sam to book the hotel.

She had been a little while, but to her credit she had had to climb ONE THOUSAND steps, in the blistering heat, only to find that she didn’t actually HAVE to climb the ONE THOUSAND steps as the cash machine was about a 100 metre walk from the cafe we were sitting in and at the bottom of the steps. (We climbed the steps later on that day (turns out there weren’t quite ONE THOUSAND) but they were VERY steep, some man walking down the steps was holding on to the rail for fear of slipping they were THAT steep… well done Sam and thank you).

We booked the hotel/apartment/mansion as soon as Sam got back. Mostly ‘everywhar’ was booked and we really needed somewhere to stay whether we could eat for the four days we were there… or not.

We then had an AMAZING idea…because we are brilliant people. We decided that we would text our friends to ask them if they wanted to come out to Sardinia and stay with us for a couple of days seeing as we had a mansion for 6 people and clearly there are only three of us (if you have been paying attention to the blog then you will already know this. 10 out of 10).

However, no one came out to see us in Sardinia (which was beautiful by the way). This is a bit of a touchy subject so we will leave it there.

So we booked the hotel, printed off our reservation and left… to go and get a drink.

drink

drink

DRINK

Then we went to do more planning and be more organised; we went to book ferry tickets from Corsica to Sardinia, hopeful that we wouldn’t miss this one due to hailstorms and laptops.

However, we got to the ticket office and there were about a million people queuing (I say queuing but I mean clamouring and barging) to get a ticket from one lady, who really looked like she had had enough and only had half an ear… so to be fair she was probably having difficulty hearing which may also have been the reason for the unorthodox queuing system. Although, none of us could be sure as we can’t understand a word of Italian/French (really, if we’re honest), which they were speaking.

We got to the front of the pile of people after about 45 mins (and three toilet trips later) only to be told we had to go and get our passports, which Suze and I did not have on us.

So we trekked back to our car along the harbour, where we found that there many a good looking boat. So, in fact, we ambled back to our car staring at all of the boats and (some of) the people in them.

Once we had got our passports out of the car we ambled again along the harbour to look at the boats, kind of hoping for an invitation to climb aboard. This time people were cleaning them – people clean their boats a LOT. Is this something that you have to do when you have a boat? Is it because the boats cost a lot so you want to keep them looking nice? Is it a boat etiquette thing? Do men just like taking their tops off and cleaning their boats? We do not know the answer… if you do, please let us know.

man cleaning boat

another man cleaning boat

We got back to the ticket office and spoke to the lady again (after another half an hour wait) at which point she didn’t look at ANY of our passports, in fact she didn’t even ask to look at them, but told us she had booked us on to the boat the next morning and we would have to pay and show our passports then… does lack of ear also mean a desire to make foreigners walk long distances to get their passports?

Then we left to go and get lunch. We walked for a third time along the harbour, this time realising that people had begun to put signs up on their boats like “Private Yacht. Do not enter”. Etc. We tried not to take it personally but couldn’t help thinking maybe we had stared a little too hard…

WE ARE SORRY FOR STARING

We found somewhere to eat, eventually, after the usual rigmarole, which we thought was fairly funny/apt as it had the following sticker attached to each menu:

PAH

We ate, we drank and we went back to the camp site for an early night ready for Sardinia the next day.

x